pitiful

I'm pitiful. Doug is going to be leaving for NCUR (National Conference for/in Undergrad. Research) in Wisconsin tomorrow morning and won't be back until Saturday around 8pm. I'm not looking forward to 4 days alone. ugh. ah well. I don't know how he made it a month last summer when I was in Africa. I'm glad he gets to go to NCUR, it's quite a big deal. It'll be great for his resume. 

I'm still waiting to hear anything back from Dr. Wildhaber about being his grad student next year. It's awful sitting around wondering if he got my stuff and if I'm still "good" enough. I should just call but I hate calling people. I will if I don't hear anything  by the end of the week. If I get into grad school at MU, I'll apply to CSU's master in zoology program and try to get in there. Then assuming I get in, I'll move to Ft. Collins, Colorado. If I don't, then I'll stick around and finish up my master's program at MU and then apply to their veterinary program (at CSU). If I don't get in, I might just move to Colorado anyway. 

3 weeks of classes left (including this week) and 1 week of finals, then graduation! hanging on by a thread...

good news

I've been contacting professors at MU like crazy since I heard about my rejection from MU's vet school. I need one of the Fisheries and Wildlife professors to take me on as their grad. student next fall. The problem is that there isn't much funding for research and if there is, then a grad student has already been placed on the research. So the trick is to find a professor that has funding and space/time available for me. Then, only then, I can apply to the master's program at MU. It had been a couple weeks and everyone (including my top choices) got back to me saying that they either didn't have funding, weren't doing research, or had too many grad students already.

Then, just when I was starting to really get worried, one got back to me. 

A Dr. Mark Wildhaber (below),

 who works with riverine fishes, said that he agrees with my interests and that he has a few projects (research) that I might be interested in. He said to send him my cv and transcripts. 

So, I cranked out my new cv that night and sent it Friday morning. I still need to have my transcripts sent, but he hasn't responded to the e-mail containing my cv, yet. I'm anxiously awaiting a response....

-Linz

America treats it's young adults horribly

* you're 13, and you finally decide to spill the beans to your folks that you're bleeding from your intestines and you're terrified because you've been hiding it for a year, hoping it would miraculously go away.

*You're diagnosed with a chronic illness, relieved you have a diagnosis for the pain you've endured since elementary school, but heart-broken at the thought of being a sick, pill-popper you're whole life. Also, feeling like a 90 yr. old doesn't make anything easier- on top of medication side-effects.

* After much time spent in a hospital and much medication, you hold yourself together through high school and dream vividly of the future- of moving on and being happy with a career you've earned and enjoy. 

*You get accepted to a great university and struggle through with your disorder and though times are rough, you're proud of yourself for sticking with it and keeping up with all your healthy peers.

*You're about to graduate and move on into the big world of graduate school or work...proud of yourself yet aching inside from the daily pain and frustrations of your disorder but you keep heading forward.

*then, you realize, that America treats it's citizens awfully..including it's young adults who are trying to gain educations to contribute to the economy. You've just been dropped off your parent's welfare fund insurance plan, a nice little loop-hole around the new 25 year old limit placed on insurance companies. See, if you're lucky enough to have parents who are with an insurance company, then you've got until you're 25 to get a job and buy you're own insurance, which even having a disorder with insurance costing $400/month may be doable then...but if you're family is with a welfare fund, you're on your own at 23.

*So, now you're 23 with a flared-up chronic illness that you've been diagnosed with for 10 years and you're still a "young-in" to a lot of folks. You definitely don't feel like one when you wake up every morning feeling like you're 80, and the problems you face daily are those that an 80 year old would (bowel problems, health insurance problems, money problems, body aching and tired..) It gets quite depressing. Then you get to wake up everyday knowing that no one gives  a shit. In other countries, I would be treated now, maybe have to wait in a line but I'd be seeing a doctor and I'd have medication to myself from bleeding out my intestines. I'd be able to go to classes regularly and not be behind all the time. I would be young and enjoy my youth. 

*Here are some options for you, the 23 yr. old with no insurance who has a pre-existing condition: go on a clinical trial which only lasts from months to a few years that you have a 50% chance of receiving saline instead of medication and if you DO get medication, the reason they're testing it is for side effects and results- sounds fun huh?

Another option is to try to receive funding from the maker of the medicine- have fun with that. One more option is to get help through medicaid- much easier said than done. If you're even approved, the most you'll likely get is enough to cover a broken arm or regular cold and flu checkups. 

* So you're left to your bed to cry and feel like the world doesn't care and the people that DO care, can't do anything for you and it makes them feel awful. 

*How can such a developed country leave it's young adults who are responsibly trying to make a life for themselves in such a mess? In such despair?? 

And this is just me...what about Doug? who has MS? Far worse than my ulcerative colitis...